Everyday is a Birthday and Celebrated as Such

Left to right front: Judy and Grannie Bea
Left to right back: Ferrin and Carlynn
Left to right (front): Judy and Grannie Bea; (back): Ferrin and Carlynn

Today marks my grandmother’s 98th birthday! Last year, Chevron’s former Chief Diversity Officer asked Chevron employees for their stories of resiliency. In response to that ask, I wrote about my grandmother (Grannie Bea). She is 98 years strong and she has instilled resiliency within me by her influence in my life. Her story was so welcomed by the Chevron community, read by over 6,000 employees and over 100 comments, that it spurred me to create a birthday book for her with those employee comments from all over the world to show her that her story not only has impacted me, but also those that read about her. I wanted to share her story with you as well in recognition of her birthday. #resiliency #ChevronTogether #HeAR #strongwomen

Written October 21, 2020:

My mom passed away in late June 2007, she was 55 years old. I had just graduated from college the year prior and moved to Houston, TX…12 hours away from my home in Mississippi.

This story is not all sad, so please stay with me. The context of my mom’s passing is important to begin to describe my grandmother (my mom’s mom), Beatrice Barron or Grannie Bea as my sister and I call her. Grannie Bea has been a primary influence in my independence as a woman and having a successful career.

When my mom passed, it was obviously hard for me and for Grannie Bea. A parent should never experience the loss of a child, no matter the age. Although I had always been close to Grannie Bea, my mom’s death brought us even closer. The photo of Grannie Bea, my aunt and sister…the 4 of us are the immediate family left on my mom’s side. We have all grown closer since my mom’s death and I cherish every moment of our visits, phone calls and conversations. Each of us represent my mom and keep her memory alive. I like to think that this photo represents a present-day picture of my mom. Can you see her? She is alive and well because family is a reflection of those we have lost. Lost loved ones live on within us.

Grannie Bea will be 97 years old on November 4. She is feisty, independent and can talk the horns off a billy goat. She still lives in her house, the house that she and my grandfather built nearly 70 years ago. She lives unassisted and prefers it that way. She tells me that she feels great from the waist up but the waist down is another story. Her hips are not in the best shape. She’s in pain constantly and because of her age, surgery is out of the question and pain meds are a challenge. Her mind is clear and she can recall dates, memories and even family trees of other families just fine. Her memory works better than mine. She often will start a conversation like this, “do you remember Barbara? She was married to a Bernard, but her family was the Smith’s and her cousin is Sally and Sally married a Turner and her mom worked at the bank downtown and we all go to church together.” It’s very entertaining how she knows everyone locally in the small town of Booneville, MS. Her mind is sharp!

Grannie Bea has made it a priority to call and check on me, especially since my mom passed. Like I mentioned earlier, Grannie Bea can TALK and she shares frequently about family history. I’ve developed a habit to have a notepad and pen close by and jot down the artifacts she shares. My aunt often refers to them as Bea-isms. 😊 I’ll share a photo of some of my collection of the notepad paper I’ve accrued during our conversations below.

Notes from our phone conversations…

I often think it’s ironic that her birthday falls so close to election day. She has shared with me that she has only missed voting twice (as in 2 times!) in her lifetime! She also proudly tells me she’s been a Democrat since the age of 18. And speaking of her sharp mind, she still manages 2 rental houses and the leasing of 49 acres of farmland and 30 acres of pastureland. She even meets with the farmer to discuss what crop will be grown on the acreage depending upon what the market is doing! Cotton served the farmer and her well last year because soybeans were a bust the year prior. My Grannie Bea is something else!

My grandfather, Ruel, served in WWII and when he came home, he married Grannie Bea on March 12, 1948. They moved to Booneville, MS and bought a gas station/store and that’s was his job until they sold it in 1988. They lived in the back of the store until they could afford to build their house. Grannie Bea worked at the gas station/store after she got off work at the factory where she worked for 24 years making clothing. In 1942, she made army pants and from 1948 – 1972, she made dress shirts in her factory job.

She remembers when electricity came to nearby cities. In 1936 electricity came to Tupelo, MS and in 1940 Corinth, MS received electricity. Although I’m so impressed with my grandmother’s memory recall, what strikes me most and inspires me to be a better person is her attitude. She’s shared with me that “everyday should be considered a birthday and celebrated as such”. She once told me that my mom and aunt didn’t have a home economics class in school, her philosophy is to “get a cookbook and teach yourself”! I often think Grannie Bea was born before her time because she doesn’t succumb to the social norms, even during her day. She worked outside the home even with having 2 daughters. She and my grandfather shared chores, she cooked, and he washed the dishes. She’s encouraged me many times to get as much education as I needed to be successful in my career and “don’t ever depend upon a man”. This is so unlike the deep south culture and I am so thankful for her encouragement to be independent!

In my most recent conversation with her, we were discussing the pandemic and she said she’s never seen anything like this. She hasn’t been outside her house since early February. She has a great community that calls to check on her often, knocks on her door to say hello from a distance. Her spirits remain high regardless and she said, “might as well smile and laugh about it because I can’t change it”. She’s always had a positive spirit and I wonder if that has something to do with her long, quality life. Growing up as a little girl and staying at her house, she preferred to read the “funny papers”, the comics and she’d just laugh. She’s never been one for emotions, she’d tell me not to cry and always finds the silver lining in any dark cloud. She is a bright light in my life, and I feel very blessed and honored that she’s my Grannie Bea.

Tacos for Life

recipe binder
Recipes for Life

I wanted to make tacos for dinner this week. I have, in my opinion, the BEST taco recipe ever. I’ve made it so many times that I don’t need the recipe anymore….except for this weekend. I hadn’t made it in a while and before going to the grocery store, I wanted to double check that I had all the ingredients. So, I pulled out this 3 inch white binder that holds my taco recipe. But in all actuality, I pulled out so much more than a binder. So many memories came flooding back to me as I opened it. I have dozens upon dozens of recipes in that binder and the majority of those recipes came from when I was in college. I am so thankful to have those recipes, yet sad because that was all I had during that period of my life. Yet I was happy because I was honing my cooking skills and that was one of the only things I did for myself back then. I experimented and I tried new things. Food Network and I were buds!! Most of my recipes came from Rachel Ray, Guy Fieri, Bobby Flay, Emeril Lagasse, Sandra Lee and Paula Deen. But the taco recipe….well, that one doesn’t come from a well known TV chef. I don’t even remember the show’s name, but it was a show for people who were just beginning their cooking journey. The 2 chefs did an excellent job walking through the step by step process of the recipe. This same show is where I also learned how to make garlic into a paste with table salt for homemade guacamole.

taco recipe
You can always tell a good recipe by how well worn the cookbook page is! 🙂

Back then, I was a brand new wife living in a mobile home in Starkville, MS. I was also a student, but at the time, I identified as being a wife more. That’s where I placed my worth. I remember cleaning the small, 2 bedroom mobile home so well. I used to buy the scented powder stuff to sprinkle in the carpet and then vacuum it up. It made the place smell so good! This was a time when I actually vacuumed and mopped once a week proudly!

Looking back I was so alone. I didn’t really know anything about anything, but I did escape my life and I got married to start a new one. I had no idea what I was doing, not a clue.

I was so backwards that I really hadn’t had cable and I was enthralled at having TV….maybe that’s part of the reason I loved Food Network so much! All I really wanted to do was sit at home and watch TV. I felt I needed my fill of it.

As I mentioned before, I was also a student. A 20 year old student that was married and lacked very serious social skills. I was at home enthralled with having cable TV and experimenting with cooking different recipes while other students my age were experimenting with pushing boundaries, dating, creating lasting friendships, having fun and creating a future. I didn’t have the skills nor the insight or foresight to know that I should be doing those things. I’m incredibly sad thinking back about the girl in the mobile home who is 20 years old with her whole life ahead of her yet she’s waiting at home for her husband…waiting with a meal prepared, and usually a different recipe every night. She didn’t know any better and she wasn’t capable of doing anymore than what she did. It is sad nonetheless. She was waiting on someone to tell her what she wanted and needed. She was an empty shell mostly. There were some thoughts and desires about what she wanted, but they were not fully formed. And they were overwhelming because, after all, what was she going to do anyway? She wasn’t fully equipped to survive on her own, so how could she breathe life into those dreams? When you don’t have direction, how do you find it?

Sometimes I’m still that girl. Overwhelmed with life, overwhelmed with so many channels to watch on cable TV. Sure, I’ve had more life experience and I’m stronger, more confident, have more social skills; but I’m still that overwhelmed girl that’s very comfortable at home cooking a different meal every night and cleaning her floors once a week. Simple life, simple girl. Here I am 15 years later. I’ve survived, but I don’t know that I’ve lived. I haven’t known what to live for. It’s been about other’s desires or sheer survival but not about living. What do I want? I am overwhelmed at the possibilities. So much so that I am frozen in place. How do I choose? I’m afraid to limit myself by choosing because what if I choose the wrong one? What if I don’t like the path I choose or worse yet….what if I fail?

Who knew those recipes in the white binder would pull out more than just instructions for great meals?! I am not ashamed of the time I spent in the tiny kitchen with no dishwasher (oh my! how many dishes I washed by hand!). I cherish the time I had. I think I needed it.

I wish I could hug my 20 year old self and tell her “it’s ok. Take your time. You will figure it all out in your own time. You are beautiful and smart and strong…you just need time. Take as much time as you need. Don’t rush”.

The 20 year old me could have really used some of the strength I have now. The 35 year old me could really use some of the tenderness I had back then. I could use some of the curiosity and the slow down and smell the roses that my 20 year old self had. I did have time of discovery, I just didn’t take enough time. I needed to pressure myself back then to find a path. But really, I didn’t need to at all. I needed the time.

I wish I could go back to the place and time to discover more wonderful recipes, cut them out of magazines and file them away in my recipe binder. I wish I could take the time to cook my way into a direction in life by giving myself all the time I need because, Man! Those are some GREAT tacos!