May is Mental Health Awareness month. This post will come with discomfort, however, I believe it is for the greater good and thus I want to lean into the discomfort and share my journey with therapy.
The journey with therapy started for me in college. A visit here and there to the on-campus college therapist was grounding for me. At the time, my mom had cancer and being away from home for this first time was hard. I had tough life questions and the therapist on campus helped me zoom out and then zoom in to the questions and thus have a more balanced decision. How many times are we so focused on a question or situation that we can’t zoom out from it to gain a better perspective? For me, it’s often. 😊 A therapist can help with that!
The larger part to my therapy journey is my mom. She was sick much of my childhood. I was one of her caretakers while growing up and her primary caretaker from the ages of 15 – 18 (until I went off to college). Needless to say, I grew up fast! I was nominated as “Most Dependable” my senior year of high school. While it was an honor to receive that nomination, it was earned in my private home life because I’d learned the ultimate dependability by being my mom’s caretaker.
There are a lot of positives that come from learning responsibility at a young age and it can also be very confusing. Caretaking an adult is hard for an adult let alone a child doing so. At the age of 25, my mom passed away. She was 55. I don’t think anyone is prepared to lose a parent. Losing my mom unearthed some “life stuff” I needed to address. I sought out therapy to talk through my mom’s death. There was a lot of processing I needed to do. Sometimes we are so close to a situation that we can’t see the full picture. A therapist can help with that.
I have learned through therapy that my mother’s sickness shaped me, both good and bad. The good is easier to hold some days than the bad. It’s easy to become fixated on one or the other. The point of therapy is to help you hold all aspects about yourself and if at first you can’t hold it by yourself, your therapist is there to hold it until you are able to do so on your own. This is where advocacy comes into play for me and why diversity and inclusion mean so much at my core. My therapist has been my advocate in so many ways. Giving words to situations when I had none. She gave me a voice when I didn’t have one. And she has been there to hold my hand in all the hard things that I’ve been through. I can honestly say I would not be here right now if it weren’t for the gift of therapy. It has been lifechanging. I have learned lifechanging skills in therapy from navigating difficult family relationships, to work challenges, to having compassion for myself. And having compassion for yourself is key to having compassion for others. Looking in the mirror, in my opinion, can be the biggest adversary you face. I know it has been for me. I can certainly stand in my own way. Therapy can help you get out of your own way!
Therapy is hard, not going to lie. I don’t always like my therapist, lol. But therapy has given me a centeredness, a truth, a groundedness that is priceless. Maybe I would have gotten to this place on my own, but even if I had, it would taken me so much longer. And don’t we deserve to get to a better place as fast as we can?
A wise friend told me once that “our work on ourselves is a lifetime and one day”, meaning we are always inching toward being better versions of ourselves. I also came across another quote that resonated with me greatly, “the more we can understand our own thoughts, feelings and emotions; the more we can understand someone else’s”. This.Is.So.True. The better you can see yourself, the better you can see others. There’s certainly more I could write about, but I will pause here. I hope this helps you seek a therapist if you’ve been thinking about it. And if you’ve never thought about it, I hope this helps you see a different side to therapy. I think we could all use a good therapist in our lives. Life is hard enough and we deserve to be better people, for ourselves and each other.
There is a particular wedding day circumstance that stays in the back of my mind and I feel the need to share and address it. I know I’m certainly not the only bride that feels this way and my hopes are that by sharing, it may uplift another bride and maybe give her words that she doesn’t know quite how to express. And to be honest, it’s a reminder to myself. Every bride wants to look her best and most brides elect to lose “x” amount of weight before the wedding. I am no different. My goal was relatively small. 10 pounds, I wanted to lose 10 pounds and if I accomplished that, I was going to lose more. The year of 2018 has proven a year of challenges and setbacks and I can tell you I’m walking down the aisle having lost basically zero. I am ok with this and I’m not ok with it. Let me explain.
I’m excited to share with you a journal entry that I wrote several months ago. I’m also fiercely excited to share with you how I came to write this journal entry. I have been a part of a group called